In every life there are setbacks.
Some are forced upon us. More commonly they are self created. At least, more commonly for me I find.
Trying to distill the arguments and excuses away, trying to forgive myself for the things I've done or left undone ... It's a process.
Part of that process for me has been re-evaluating how I look at my time in the gym. How i work on my personal fitness.
Over the past few years I realized just how heavily I relied upon "the gym" for my therapy. For my way of denying the truths about my hurts and anxieties. For just ignoring the things that were upsetting me and turning all of that discomfort into punishment once I walked through the gym doors at 5am, to flog myself until the endorphin rush and sweat quelled the worst of my feelings.
Lately though, I've come to realize that I've needed more than just the gym. I've needed Family. Love. Companionship. I've also needed self-respect, forgiveness and understanding.
Nothing is ever settled. And I'm still a work in progress.
But part of the process has been in changing the way i look at my workouts. Listening to my body sure - but also listening to my brain and heart, to try and find out if I am Training for the Right Reasons.
Sure. I wanna be big and strong. Sure I wanna be lifting and clear headed into my 70s. Sure I wanna be healthy for my daughter as she grows up. And Sure, I wanna be fitter and leaner not just because it's good for my health but because I admit to wanting to feel less self-conscious about my body
But that last one really IS the last reason now.
So... going forward I'm want to try and make this Blog more of a self accountability space. A place where I post about my workouts, maybe a picture here or there (for the almighty algorithm of course) but also focus on my REASON for lifting.
Wish me luck. Feel free to like, comment or tell me to kick rocks.
AK
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