Changing My Focus

This is different for everyone. So it should be. And in most cases, no reason is a BAD reason to get in shape. Even the dreaded "ego and vanity."

I mean, we all wanna look ourselves in the mirror and go "Yeah, I'm good with that."

For years (and still today, I am honest about it) I trained hard because I didn't wanna be a fat ass anymore. My words, and words said to me repeated over the course of my life. Low self esteem. Bullying. Bad eating habits, the whole shebang.

My story isn't new and I'm hardly a unique snowflake when it comes to this kind of a childhood and upbringing in school. But the truth is the truth.

No matter how hard I train, no matter how strictly I diet: when I look in the mirror all I ever see is the short, stumpy, pimply faced teenager who was regularly bullied and more by kids at school.

No scale, BF% or actual evidence of different stages of my life where I was CLEARLY fit and in shape will ever change that perception I have of myself.

And for decades that has been the driving force behind my workouts. Gotta look better. Gotta be fitter. Can't look like crap in my wrestling gear. Gotta keep up with these kids who're supreme athletes.

Y'know what? 

That shit is exhausting. And beyond detrimental to my physical and mental well being.

So... I gotta change my focus.

My focus just turned 10 years old.

She's a few years away from high school. Puberty isn't far off either. She's inherited the size and strength of her parents as well as some of her father's insecurities.

So ... This is where everything changes.

For the rest of her life my goal is to be as fit as I can be without berating or belittling myself in front of her. Because the best example I can set for her as a parent isn't just "Lets eat reasonably healthy, stay active and have fun!" My example has to be, "I am happy with who I am, even while I'm trying to be better."

Because life is hard enough. Teenagers suck at the best of times. But I will do my damnedest to arm that little girl with the mental strength and sense of self worth to hold the bullies and insecure ass-hats at bay.

And if all that fails, her Big Daddy is gonna be there to hold her and scare the bejesus out of any one who does her wrong.

AK